“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”
― W.C. Fields
I forget what I'm doing here sometimes.
You'll notice maybe, there are times when these bi-weekly heart missives - fan out into the terrain of once-a-month, or perhaps stretched further still. It is because sometimes I lose my way. I arrive at the page and fumble for the words. I get caught up in that place inside me that says whatever issues forth -must be Bold, Daring, Brilliant, Sublime.
I must leave the world a more epic landscape than the one into which I first stepped foot.
I must dabble in the holy realms of the Magnificent - the Pithy - Colorful & Sanguine. I must say something that stops you dead inside your tracks, elicits gales of laughter or an uprising of righteous tears.
I gotta' write a new hit single.
I gotta' join the hit parade.
I gotta' roll out some magic mixture of Jack Kerouac and Mother-Luvin'-Teresa all bundled into one timely-manufactured blip of prayer & prose.
This little bit of thinking's just the devil in disguise.
It's my little ego-baby inching forth to run the show.
When I know, encased inside it, there's an Old Soul who knows that jig is Up.
That line of reasoning is tired and outplayed.
The piece of me that knows that there is No Time for a damn popularity contest.
There's work to be done in the world.
The place - the bedrock, beneath the confusion - that understands that Words - when properly employed - can carry Healing & Upliftment - which is far better than Clever any day.
There is the quiet spot inside me - that can see the Forest for the Trees.
The Trees unfolding toward the Path...
And who can carve her way inside the Dark.
I just lose sight of her at times.
A year or so ago, a poem emerged from me.
It was a piece of Information that was needing to come forth for me - as I was struggling to find my way inside the difficulties of my Marriage.
Inside the fights.
Inside the disappointments.
Inside the bad patterns built up over years - that seemed so impossible to overcome.
I needed to hear these words. .....
for the times in which i cannot see your face...~ i must see your likeness transposed by that of an angel.
i must take your earthy dark features
& imbue them with a shroud
feathering your hair
and surrounding your body.
infusing the space between each of your humble vertebrae
with a beam
of Something holy.
I must wrap you in sunlight and keep you there.
refuse to see you as anything but.
"We are all just columns of Light," she says.
'Babies. We're just babies, man.'
Can ya' dig?
I must breathe in the aroma of Sunshine
and carry its essence with me on the days,
where all about is gray.
I must carry my own damn flashlight
charge the battery at night upon my bedside table
have it ready.
to illumine some portion of the Way.
Have it ready.
Cast a beam into the abyss of forgetfulness
the chasm of regret.
Where you too have fallen
lost your footing
a faulty dance step.
Temporarily forgetting yourself
that you are just Light
You are just a column of the Divine.
And I must remember this for you.
And for us.
I will catch my breath and hold my tongue
letting my angry words dissolve
into particles of Empty Sound
I will carry the lantern.
I will safeguard it with this beating heart
and these two shaking hands.
I will remember who you really are.
Carry your secret name inside the torch-lit passages of memory.
* and Love*
And when you are ready to hear it once more
I will open my mouth
Reverberating molecules of light and Song
And I will remind you. Once Again.
And they remind me now - of what I - of what WE ALL - are truly called to do.
Whenever I sit down to write these notes to you...
Whenever I take my seat upon the mat - to share whatever Movement/Medicine or scrap of Mindfulness I have to offer up that day.
Whenever I drop into the roles I've been handed - Mother, Partner, Teacher, Householder, Lover, Daughter, Sister, Student, Seeker, Wise Woman, or Wandering Child....
I am here. We are here - to Hold Up the Lantern.
To Call each other back into the Fold.
To Remember for Each Other - when, at times, we forget - or lose our Way -
the Truth embedded in our humble cells and synapses.
We are here to do the Work that is Necessary and of Value in the World.
And sometimes the work is elegant.
Sometimes it's downright plain.
Sometimes the path is clear.
Sometimes we lose our way.
But in the end - whatever the form our Light takes - We remember...
We are all of us - simply walking each other... Home.
May these words remind you of the Magnificent role you have to play in the World.
May they remind you of your Own Great Light.
May they guide you a step or so further down your Sacred Road.